Friday, April 16, 2010

LISTEN CAREFULLY

Are you listening? Your body has an internal voice speaking words of wisdom. Listen and you will hear the answers to your questions and more. The intuitive self is protective yet so often we forget to stop and listen.

Recently, I found a lump in my breast and went for my annual mammogram. The mammogram missed finding the lump. I went to my physician and she refused to palpate the lump, telling me that, and I quote, “It doesn’t matter what you find, it only matters what I find.” The hell you say, I said to myself. I called the radiology department and requested an ultrasound followup which I was granted. Weeks, yes even with the voice speaking and my listening, it still took me weeks to schedule the appointment. There it was, the lump, not an average cystic lump, but a really questionable lump, one small enough to be missed but not small enough to be discounted. The radiologist suggested a surgical biopsy to determine whether this lump was benign or cancerous. I decided to make an appointment with the general surgeon suggested by the radiology technician. My husband accompanied me to the appointment and the doc seemed quite likable, although late, 45 minutes late. Fine, that was fine, except that my husband had to return to work just as we were getting started with the repeat ultrasound. The doctor was able to view my mammogram and my ultrasound findings from the mammogram department, but despite several tries with ultrasound, he insisted he could not find the lump in question. I found it for him in my breast 5 times, 5 times! He became increasingly aggravated, pushing on my breast like it was a hard leather sofa without nerve endings, telling me he could, as he pushed, feel my rib! but that was all. It took me quite some time to realize that he was truly not being nice to me. I honestly had no idea he was struggling to find the lump as he never communicated it to me. This cruel treatment was a stark comparison to the doctor that greeted me when my husband had been present in the room. He then sat down, looked at me with frustration and said, “Well, perhaps it has absorbed.” I looked at him with steel in my eyes and speaking on behalf of all women I said, “The lump is there in front of you on your computer as ultrasound from mammography and I’m sitting here feeling it with my hand and you’re telling me that it doesn’t exist because you, YOU, can’t find it?” Just then his nurse walked in the room and he adjusted his demeanor for the now present witness. Unconceivable.

Honestly, I am listening to my body tell me there is something in my breast that doesn’t belong there and I am amazed at the hoops I have to jump through to get the tiny lump addressed. I am thankful for the compassionate ultrasound tech and radiologist. I am still seeking a doctor’s care for surgical biopsy and I will find one who treats me with respect. I am curious how many people are listening to their bodies and find that they are discounted by the medical world. How many women found lumps in their breast before it was a cancerous tumor large enough to be found on mammogram, before it was large enough to have spread to other areas of their breast and body? How many were shushed away?
I am happy for my active listening. I hope you are listening too. The human body is a wondrous miracle worthy of your attention. Listen to it, listen to your intuition, your body speaks.

9 comments:

  1. that is inconceivable. good for you for telling him what you think and insisting on the procedure. good luck with the biopsy and hope it's just a harmless lump.

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  2. Hoping things are well with you Victoria....

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  3. just checking in here..hope everything is fine.

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  4. Oh no.. Hope its nothing. Update us soon!

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  5. There is a need for every woman to test the breasts after 30 at regular intervals and also check whether there is a lump in the place.There are advanced treatments when detected at an early stage.

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  6. Hi Victoria. Just now read your above story. I can't believe that doctor was so rude or really I can't. Some of them are so arrogant and think you know nothing about your body. Keep us posted!

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  7. I agree. Thanks for taking the time Ruthanne. I'm fine here. Things got tough for a while with family,my mother was diagnosed.

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