Beurre Noisette Cocoa Brownies with Walnuts

These are the best brownies I’ve ever had—fudgy in the middle and chewy on the outside with a shiny, crackly top. The browned butter adds a rich, nutty flavor. I've made plenty of brownie recipes, but I think these are the star, the top of the list, the one I will make again and again.

Ingredients

10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into 1-inch pieces

1 cup sugar

3/4 cup natural unsweetened cocoa powder (spooned into cup to measure, then leveled)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 teaspoons water

3 large eggs, chilled

1/2 cup unbleached all purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup walnut pieces, plus some!

1/3 cup Ghiradelli Double Chocolate Chips

Preparation

• Position rack in bottom third of oven; preheat to 325°F. Coat 8x8x2-inch glass pan with nonstick spray. Melt butter in medium saucepan over medium heat. Continue cooking until butter stops foaming and browned bits form at bottom of pan, stirring often, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat; immediately add sugar, cocoa, 2 teaspoons water, vanilla, and 1/4 teaspoon (generous) salt. Stir to blend. Let cool 5 minutes (mixture will still be hot). Add eggs to hot mixture 1 at a time, beating vigorously to blend after each addition. When mixture looks thick and shiny, add flour and stir until blended. Beat vigorously 60 strokes. Stir in nuts. Fold in chocolate chips. Transfer batter to prepared pan.

• Bake brownies until toothpick inserted into center comes out almost clean (with a few moist crumbs attached), about 25-35 minutes. Cool in pan on rack. Cut into 4 strips. Cut each strip crosswise into 4 brownies. DO AHEAD Can be made 2 days ahead. Store airtight at room temperature.

Emmylou Ain't Got Nothing on Me.

A couple of winters ago, I was very sick with a stomach virus, honestly, I didn't know what was wrong. I was sick at my stomach constantly with nausea and burning. That I could deal with, I mean, that was not the worse of it. I began to lose my hair one day and it continued for 3 months, coming out in handfuls in the shower, coming out all day long in fact. My hair was everywhere, all over the house, and in the sink. I had no idea what was happening, but it was happening and happening fast. My scalp crawled as the follicles popped and released each hair, my skin crawled as the hair hung on my arms and body. I screamed at the sky. I cried. I'm certain there was an inner neurological madness occuring as well as a psychological madness. I felt like I was going to go mad. I thought of shaving it, but waited. Finally, after 3 months, it stopped, not just like that, but less and less fell out and eventually I was back to normal, minus 1/3 of my hair or more.....it seems like more to me. I bought hats and discovered that letting go and accepting was the only way I was going to survive this. Just let go. Easy to say, let go, let the hair fall, mourn it if you want, but let it go, and accept that what has happened, like most awful things, could not be stopped by any action I carried out. I went to doctors and had several thousand dollars worth of lab tests completed. I had an upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy. Yes, finally, something came back abnormal. I had a case of severe gastritis and my poor stomach was so inflamed I was not absorbing nutrients. It's been a while since this all happened to me. I was embarrased by it. You see I am, unlike Sinead O'Connor, very attached to my hair. Imagine that, of course I am, and therein is the lesson of letting go. Can you? It has been a challenge, one that I am not through struggling with. My hair has grown back. Yay! It has come back totally silver. It could be gorgeous, but letting it come in is not easy. Stigmatism and social rules are so invasive. I want to be free of what folks expect from my appearance and from what I expect as well. I want to look in the mirror and love the gal looking back, love the silver. I am working on letting go still, not coloring it, letting it be a flash of light and hoping it jives with my inner light. Intermingle on and in me. Now, when I hear the urging of my psyche to head for the bottle of hair color, I practice, with great effort just letting go and letting it come in silver. I've always been amazed at the shimmering beauty of Emmylou Harris' locks.

INSPIRING CAROLINE

I attended a slide presentation tonight given by one of my most creative friends and artist, Caroline Douglas. Caroline creates figurative sculpture from clay and I have been very inspired by her work as well as her story. You see Caroline and I have a few things in common, all of which define me and my path. We both suffered brain injuries and have worked toward healing through our expression in clay. I only recently became friends with Caroline, but our conversations and understandings require very little exchange of words. We have that knowing of an experience, the shared language, undefined, that many folks who've survived tragedies share. She and I both appreciate our injuries in the sense that we have realized so much good can arise from loss; there is so much more challenge of oneself to grow and expand from our core selves. I value Caroline's strength and mentoring immensely. I'd like to share some of her work with you. You can find Caroline Douglas on Facebook or at http://www.carolinedouglas.com/.

SELF-ABUSE AND GLUTTONY

"Somewhere between self-abuse and gluttony." That is what I said in response to my daughter when she asked how much whipped cream to put on her pumpkin pie. Yes, somewhere in the middle there is a good place to hang out no matter what the subject matter. Balance is a tricky thing. I believe most of us don't really know what the middle looks like. We grew up leaning toward one side or the other by modeling our parents imbalances or as a result of our raising, relationships, and life's trials we've compensated for losses and pain by overly comforting ourselves or abusing ourselves altogether. Check any area in your life and you will discover, for some, the middle tier is a tough place to hang out. I discovered, the hard way, that being too stressed or too worried or too anything eventually brings harm to you and all that live in your circle. After suffering a great loss, I was reminded by a friend of an asian philosophy, maybe you know it, in which one could imagine all the areas of their life: family, work, friendship, play, love, living on a dinner plate and when one of those areas was imbalanced or overloaded, the plate begins to tilt and, if not corrected, all that lives on it, eventually slides off, sometimes lost forever. Keeping things in balance is imperative, not just for the sake of happiness and peace of mind, but also for your health and the health of the ones you love. Maybe there was something of real value to learn out on the playground teeter-totter.

Lex's First Holiday Dinner

My kiddo is learning to cook and asked if she could make a holiday meal this year. She loves lobster macaroni and cheese, so when we watched a Food Network show recently with this recipe featured, we both excitedly knew this would be a good fit for her. She plans to make this for New Year's Eve,.....with a little help.

Lobster Mac and Cheese

Ingredients

• Kosher salt
• Vegetable oil
• 1 pound cavatappi or elbow macaroni
• 1 quart milk
• 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, divided
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 12 ounces Gruyere cheese, grated (4 cups)
• 8 ounces extra-sharp Cheddar, grated (2 cups)
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 1/2 pounds cooked lobster meat
• 1 1/2 cups fresh white bread crumbs (5 slices, crusts removed)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Drizzle oil into a large pot of boiling salted water. Add the pasta and cook according to the directions on the package, 6 to 8 minutes. Drain well.

Meanwhile, heat the milk in a small saucepan, but don't boil it. In a large pot, melt 6 tablespoons of butter and add the flour. Cook over low heat for 2 minutes, stirring with a whisk. Still whisking, add the hot milk and cook for a minute or two more, until thickened and smooth. Off the heat, add the Gruyere, Cheddar, 1 tablespoon salt, the pepper, and nutmeg. Add the cooked macaroni and lobster and stir well. Place the mixture in 6 to 8 individual gratin dishes.

Melt the remaining 2 tablespoons of butter, combine them with the fresh bread crumbs, and sprinkle on the top. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until the sauce is bubbly and the macaroni is browned on the top.

WHITE CHEESE CHICKEN LASAGNA-HUBBY STLE!

Time crunching during the holidays can make for stressful days. My husband has been helping me with dinner lately. This week I was grateful for extra time to get things done while he made this delicious recipe I found online. We changed some things in the end to suit our tastes. Dinner was wonderful and life is good!

Ingredients

• lasagna noodles--"no boil" lasagna noodles are the best choice!!!
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups chicken broth
• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 4 cups shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
• 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 cups ricotta cheese
• 2 cups cubed, cooked chicken meat---use a store bought rotisserie chicken--shredded is better
• 2 (10 ounce) packages frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained (squeeze the water out of the spinach)
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese for topping

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook the onion and garlic in the butter until tender, stirring frequently. Stir in the flour and salt, and simmer until bubbly. Mix in the broth and milk, and boil, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Stir in 2 cups mozzarella cheese and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Season with the basil, oregano, and ground black pepper. Remove from heat, and set aside.
3. Mix Ricotta cheese with spinach in a separate bowl.
4. Spread 1/3 of the sauce mixture in the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish that has been sprayed with oil. Layer one layer of noodles, then 1/2 of the ricotta mixture, and all of the chicken. Arrange another layer of noodles over the chicken, then 1/3 of the sauce mixture, the rest of ricotta mixture, and the remaining 2 cups mozzarella cheese and 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese. Spread remaining sauce evenly over this. Sprinkle with parsley and 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese.
5. Bake for approximately 1 hour; check for noodle softness with a knife.

MY RESCUE

I have a silver female Yorkie rescued from a puppy mill. A puppy mill, if you don't know, is exactly as it sounds, a place where dogs are bred, repeatedly, and the puppies are sold to stores, like the ones you find at the mall. The parent dogs are kept in wire cages, with wire bottoms, stacked one on top of the other, several dogs to a cage, kept outside in the weather, very little water and food provided, and absolutely no love and care. This is just a bit of information, the ugly truth can be read about at http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/puppy_mills/.

This Yorkie of mine has been with me for a little over a year. She was emaciated, shaven to the skin to remove her matted hair, had an ear infection, a open wound in her cheek, and, among other things, suffered severe psychological trauma from the abuse she had received. She has come a long way with my family's patience and love. I have to say though that I have received the most reward from her than anyone on earth could provide. You see, she has saved me, my life, many times, for she is what some would consider a "medical dog."

I have Type 1 Diabetes and am insulin-dependent. I have a continuous glucose monitor that I wear always and it has an alarm to alert me to severe low blood sugars. Unfortunately for me, sometimes while sleeping I don't hear the alarm. But,...my rescue Yorkie does. She runs into the hallway and barks loudly and non-stop, runs back and forth from the bed to the hall until she awakens me and I walk to the kitchen to check my blood sugar. She is so excited and happy that I am up, then she sits on the kitchen rug until all is fine and we go back to bed together. The first time this happened, my alarm went off, unbeknownst to me, and I awoke to her screaming bark, I got up thinking she needed to go outside to potty. Walking downstairs to take her out, I wondered why I felt so disoriented and drunk, I checked my blood sugar and my glucose read 40....very, very low for someone with injected insulin. I had no idea whatsoever that I was in trouble and probably would not have awakened, instead I most likely would have slipped into a coma. This gorgeous little girl saved my life. She came and comes to my rescue. I saved her from being killed when the puppy mill could no longer make her breed at the young age of 4. She now saves my life sometimes twice a week. I feel so lucky with this angel caring for me. I am so blessed, so grateful, so rescued!