THIS IS THE SWEATER I WORE TO MY SISTER’S FUNERAL

I finally got around to cleaning out my closet and let me tell you it had been too long since the last time. I had no idea how long it had been. Being that I have a mild traumatic brain injury, organization is no longer my forte. It is instead my nemesis, a true torture trip. Typically, I’ll begin and in the middle of the task I loose track of where I put what and where to put what and then total freak-out confusion sets in and I simply give up defeated. So, I don’t feel very good most of the time after attempting to re-arrange or organize any room in my house these days. I also find the disarray to be a constant reminder and reflection of my disability.
Yesterday though, I was blessed with clear thinking and laughter. My daughter came home from school just about the time I was knee deep in piles of clothing, shoes, and purses. She started in with the comments about much of the clothing I was finally throwing out (read giving away), saying things like: “that seriously could have never been in style right?” referring to one particular black sheer sleeved, beaded collar, and shoulder-padded blouse as I tried it on one last time just to make sure it was no longer something I’d wear....delusional and hoardish qualities were definitely struggling to have a play. Later she squawked with laughter while standing in front of the mirror, in full on disco-move stance, while wearing a full length black leotard from the ’80’s I had somehow also managed to salvage all these years, minus the thong that was worn on the outside; believe it or not the elastic was still in good condition! We laughed and laughed, but then there was the sweater, the gray sweater. I said, while holding it up to my chest remembering all the things I didn’t want to remember, “this is the sweater I wore to my sister’s funeral” ...talk about a mood dampener! That sweater makes me feel ill all over and I’m certain I will never be able to wear again. I’m catapulted back in time and scenes of pain flood my mind. Fortunately my daughter pulled me out of it with her laughter and words about what a great blog post the sweater would make. AH....a better use for it finally.
Setting it aside as I pondered what to do about it, I continued cleaning and sorting through so many articles of clothing and purses I should have gotten rid of at a least a decade ago. My daughter decided to keep the leotard for a possible halloween costume and I filled bags with the rest of the 80’s hilarity for charity, as if anyone would want it.
Neatly arranging the things I wanted to keep and placing them back into the closet, I downheartedly folded the sweater, uncertain whether to keep it or not, and placed it back inside the closet as well. The next time I journey to clean and toss, maybe then I’ll be ready to let go of it and all it represents. Maybe then I’ll be done with the suffering. Maybe then I’ll let someone else wear the sweater; hopefully not to a funeral.

A Life Lesson From The Kitchen

This is a post from fellow admired blogger, Clarence. You can find his enlightening wisdom at: "http://www.diamondnuggets.com
I hope you enjoy this and I hope you take the time to stop by Clarence's blog site, his post are worth your time.
Thank you Clarence.



A Life Lesson From The Kitchen
Today, while reading through my regular list of emails, I came across this incredible piece written by an anonymous author. As you read this inspiring piece, my wish is two-folded. First and foremost, that it moves and motivates you (as it has me), to reflect and improve yourself, and secondly, lets you and I together give credit to whoever is the incredible person who is responsible for authoring and sharing this written blessing with all of us.

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

*anonymous author

BEST BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

A better butternut squash recipe please...that was my wish for months and months. I am a food snob you see and find myself uninterested in half baked recipes, so to speak. Imagine the food critic in the movie "Ratatouille" declaring, "I don't like food, I love it! If I don't Love it, I don't swallow," and you will have a pretty good picture of moi. I have tried so many butternut squash soup recipes and find most to be more of a rendition of butternut squash flavored chicken stock OR so sugary sweet that I feel I'm eating desert. I wanted a soup that had many depths of flavor and I did not want a soup that addressed a child's sugar cravings-like I mentioned, I have a sophisticated palette, a mature, persnickety palette that's not interested in eating for the sake of eating, but rather for pleasure and nutritional principles. Tired of searching, I created my own recipe. I should tell you, I am not a fan of pork, in fact I never eat pork....being a true food snob though and realizing the necessity, I relented this one time for this soup recipe. The pork adds a depth of flavor I so desperately desired. I am very pleased with the finish product. I hope you will be too. Pork: I highly suggest using non-nitrite cured prosciutto.

Best Butternut Squash Soup

1 large butternut squash, cut in half lengthwise, seeded, and roasted in the oven til cooked through, cooled, flesh removed (this can be done the day before and stored in the fridge)
2 medium sweet onions, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped finely
1 bunch fresh sage, 1/3 of it chopped
1 package proscuitto, about 1/2 lb
1 pint chicken stock
2 Tablespoonfuls Olive oil
Cream or half and half
1 Tablespoonful butter

In soup pot, sear the prosciutto til crispy, remove from pot and set aside; leave the prosiutto remnants in the bottom of the pot, Add olive oil to pot and saute onion, celery, and chopped portion of the sage until celery and onion are translucent. Add butternut squash flesh and the pint of chicken stock. Stir to combine. Warm to a simmer. Crumble in a few slices of the crispy prosciutto. Cool soup down. Puree in batches in a blender or food processor. ***If soup is not cool when you blend it it will gush out of the blender and burn you. Once a creamy consistency, return to pot, heat, and add cream or half and half to thin if necessary. (It will most likely be necessary.)

In a separate skillet, heat butter and add remaining sage leaves, stems removed. Cook til crisp, flipping during process.

Serve soup with crispy prosciutto and crispy sage leaves on top as a garnish.

ENJOY!

Victoria Hart

WHAT IS IN THE WAY, IS OFTEN THE WAY

What is in the way, is often the way; the way through to a truer essence of yourself. Life lessons can often be learned by searching just beneath the surface of an issue that is troubling you. The lesson or true meaning may be hidden deeply from you simply because you have diverted your attention away too long, and your issue is now a mounting frustration. Feelings of frustration move you further away from enlightenment. Your frustration has become your new problem, a veritable detour from the problem and from the truth you are meant to discover. How to find the answers, how to find your way through, and learn something meaningful in the process?
Ask what it is that you are avoiding or not giving your full attention to? Stress and suffering are inevitable, but we have a choice about how we react and relate to them. Avoidance, putting your stressor in parenthesis, and moving on without fully addressing it will only make it a greater stressor for you down the road. One must deal with the stressor by recognizing it first. How to do that?
If you are not sure what you are avoiding, meditation could help reveal the answer to you. Meditation comes in many forms: dancing, playing an instrument, creating a work of art, cooking (creating a work of art), gardening, exercising, reading, etc; essentially any activity that silences or focuses your mind for a period of time providing relaxation is a form of meditation. You will have to find what works best for you. Just know that the end result is what is important, mental calm and relaxation lead one to the answers that have been blocked for so long by mental clutter and chaos. Strive to maintain a quiet and observing presence; stop fueling the mind chatter.

Here is one method of intentional meditation:
Sit in comfortable position, play some soft, soothing music, and focus on your breathing. Start with the exhale, allowing it to relieve your body of tension. Feel the tension in your face release, and then your neck and shoulders, inhaling and exhaling as you go the length of your body from head to toe. When thoughts come into your mind, simply notice them without engaging. Each time your mind wanders, gently guide it back to the very next breath. When you are fully relaxed, invite your wise and loving self to emerge. Allow your thinking mind to settle. Welcome your true essence and take this opportunity to ask, "What problem am I not giving my attention to?"
Allow your true self to bring light and knowledge to you; what shift do you need to make in your life that will result in a meaningful change, that will clear the way for you? Hold this space with reverence and patience. Be patient, the answer will come. That which is revealed to you is a reflection of your true self without the outside world views interfering. This true self is here to guide and support you to a clearer perspective and a healthful, peaceful state of mind.

This exercise, sitting with the true essence of yourself, is always available to you when you find that you're thoughts are blocked or in need of clarification. Do not worry if you have trouble reaching a relaxed state at first; pat yourself on the back for the time you've given to the betterment of your health and try again later. Remember, the more you practice, the quicker and clearer the answers will be made available to you. Meditative practice will provide you with an easily accessible tool of calm simply by thinking of yourself in the meditative state. It may be helpful to associate your meditative state with a symbol, one that relates to your spirit, or a word and calling that symbol or word to mind when a bit of calm is needed in the crux of the day.

Best to you, peace and strong health in the New Year.

Victoria Hart
Photo: http://www.brunosart.com/index.html

THAT WHICH BINDS US; AGAPE

At the trial to indict the man who murdered my sister, we waited in the court room corridor for what seemed like forever, before the trial in the morning, and again after lunch and before the afternoon session. The waiting was difficult and anxiety provoking, waiting to walk into a nightmare time and time again, we had to have courage. My family huddled together and "his" family huddled together, each in our own areas. I felt such overwhelming emotions when I saw "his" mother waiting down the hall from us on that first day; I was overcome. I soon found myself standing before the mother of the man who had murdered my sister. I asked her if she was "his" mother, more in the way of introducing one's self, and she said, "yes, I am." I told her June was my sister and she stood up to meet my eyes. Two hearts aching with loss facing one another, we stood. I told her I was sorry for her and she returned the sentiment. We had both lost people we loved when "he" killed June; I lost my sister and she lost her son. We wrapped our arms around each other and with God's Grace we were enveloped in a moment of Peace.

Just at that moment, the court room doors were flung open for us to enter and sit in our separate areas; me with my family in support of my sister and her with hers in support of her son. I took the stand that day to represent June and her life. She took the stand days later to represent her son and the goodness she knew lived within him. I recall feeling some resentment toward her in that moment, it passed quickly as I realized she guarded the dignity of her life in her testimony, just as I had preserved the dignity of my sister in mine.

The mother and I were brought together in that corridor of life and loss, but separated by the hollow belly serpent shaped by the flawed human form. She and I believed in the same God, our expressions toward one another represented our love and faith in that God. We were united in moments that will never leave my memory; we were united by our common faith and belief system, the belief that we are all imperfect beings, children of God. One lesson was seated deeply within me during that worst experience of my life: we are all vessels full of love from the time of our birth and the humanity we share can remain despite the gravest transgression. We all suffer. We are all imperfect and capable of life altering mistakes. Love is all encompassing. No matter what tragedies or ill treatment life serves up, you can choose to replenish and replace the love lost in those moments. Sadly, her son had not made that choice and carried hate in his heart, hate that attacked my sister and took her life.

At that trial, the trial to put away the man that took my older sister's life, I made a different choice. I chose to give absolution. I chose forgiveness. I chose to fill my body, my heart with love, to replenish my soul with forgiveness for all that was taken from me and is still to this day. I CHOOSE PEACE. I choose to fill my vessel with love, God's love. With my choices, I choose life. A choice my sister was not allowed to make.

--Victoria Hart

Rabindranath Tagore--An Indian Poem

I have beautifully spirited people in my life who I need only think about and soon they appear to me as I make my way through the day; I receive a phone call or I run into them at a local shop. It's sounds a bit of what some may consider psychic, but I really believe we all are so closely connected that just a wish is enough energy to bring someone close. I am also very considerate of the energy I send out into the world and towards people I encounter. I know that my positive vibes make them respond positively and kindly, and my negative vibes reciprocate actions and words that tear down my spirit.
I essentially am in power of all that I receive, good or bad, by choosing the energy that I send out into the world and by also, carefully, choosing the energy I surround myself with: upbeat positively focused conversations, open-hearted compassion, filth of the world-ridden shoes left at the doorstep, refusal of violence on the tele, and love, love, love words tossed about my house like iris scented petals.

This poem by Rabindranath Tagore expresses this sentiment so completely and poetically.




THE SAME STREAM OF LIFE THAT RUNS THROUGH MY VEINS
NIGHT AND DAY RUNS THROUGH THE WORLD AND DANCES IN RHYTHMIC MEASURES.

IT IS THE SAME LIFE THAT SHOOTS IN JOY THROUGH THE DUST OF THE
EARTH IN NUMBERLESS BLADES OF GRASS AND BREAKS INTO TUMULTUOUS
WAVES OF LEAVES AND FLOWERS.

IT IS THE SAME LIFE THAT IS ROCKED IN THE OCEAN-CRADLE OF BIRTH
AND OF DEATH, IN EBB AND IN FLOW.

I FEEL MY LIMBS ARE MADE GLORIOUS BY THE TOUCH OF THIS WORLD
OF LIFE. AND MY PRIDE IS FROM THE LIFE-THROB OF AGES DANCING
IN MY BLOOD THIS MOMENT.

Rabindranath Tagore --Nobel Laureate

--Victoria Hart

RISOTTO WITH PORCINI

Creamy risotto acquires an earthy deep flavor with the addition of dried porcini mushrooms. Once each grain of rice is cooked to the properly tender, but still al dente state, and the cheese is added, your risotto might not be as moist as you like; if it isn’t, add some of the remaining stock. I sometimes add dried cherries, about 1/3 cup at the end to broaden the flavor palette.

1 1/2 cups water
5 1/2 cups chicken stock or store-bought low-sodium broth
1 1//4 ounces (about 1 3/4 cups) dried porcini mushrooms--I like a bit more
2 tablespoonfuls olive oil
1/2 stick (4 tablespoonfuls) butter
1/4 cup chopped scallions
1 tablespoonful chopped rosemary (optional)
2 cups Arborio rice (about 14 ounces)
1 cup finely grated/shredded Parmigiano-Reggiano (about 2 ounces), plus additional for serving
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Combine water and 1 cup stock in a small saucepan and heat until hot. Put mushrooms and 1 tablespoon oil in a bowl and pour hot liquid over them. Let soak for 30 minutes.
Lift porcini out of soaking liquid, squeeze excess liquid back into bowl, and rinse well to remove any grit. Coarsely chop porcini. Pour soaking liquid through a fine sieve lined with a dampened paper towel into a large saucepan (or carefully skim liquid from top, leaving grit at the bottom of the bowl). Add remaining 4 1/2 cups stock and bring to a simmer. Reduce heat, cover, and keep at a light simmer.
Melt 2 tablespoons butter with remaining 1 tablespoon oil in a 4 quart saucepan over moderate heat. Add scallions and rosemary, cook, stirring until softened, about 3 minutes. Add rice and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add 1/2 cup stock and cook at a strong simmer, stirring constantly, until stock is absorbed. Continue adding stock, about 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly and letting each addition be absorbed before adding next, until rice is tender and creamy but still al dente, 18 to 20 minutes (there will be left over stock).
Stir in mushrooms, remaining 2 tablespoons butter, cheese, salt, and pepper. If necessary, thin risotto with some of remaining stock. Serve immediately, with additional cheese.

Note: Use fresh ingredients!
Victoria Hart