Tuesday, October 27, 2009

JUNEBUG, I TAG THE FLUTTERING SHIRT OF YOU


I lost my sister to a violent death. She was taken from us by another, an angry other, but I try to block that from my mind and recall memories of her. I want to remember HER today, this anniversary of her death. I want to remember who she was, not how she died, struggling and fearful. My mother talks about those last moments of her life and I tell her that what I know in my heart to be true, and only in my heart: Angels came into that room while he was strangling her; they carried her to a more beautiful, serene place of peace while her body remained in the dying.
Ten years have past and I dig in my vaulted memory for the tenderness, her giggle, her playfulness, her, her, her...JuneBug. I am sad today. My soul calls out to her today with loud screaming voice, an aching wail, a sorrowful melody.

This poem by Carl Sandburg comforts me.

SHIRT
I REMEMBER once I ran after you and tagged the fluttering
shirt of you in the wind.
Once many days ago I drank a glassful of something and
the picture of you shivered and slid on top of the
stuff.
And again it was nobody else but you I heard in the
singing voice of a careless humming woman.
One night when I sat with chums telling stories at a
bonfire flickering red embers, in a language its own
talking to a spread of white stars:
It was you that slunk laughing
in the clumsy staggering shadows.
Broken answers of remembrance let me know you are
alive with a peering phantom face behind a doorway
somewhere in the city's push and fury
Or under a pack of moss and leaves waiting in silence
under a twist of oaken arms ready as ever to run
away again when I tag the fluttering shirt of you.

--Victoria Hart
photo credit: Diane Varner dianevarner.com

17 comments:

  1. I have a hand for you to hold out here in the blogosphere. My fingertips hover over the keyboard, and I'm so sorry is all they know to type. Take care, find peace. You are right about the angels.

    xoxo
    Debi

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  2. Sweet Debi, bless you for sending me your embrace. I feel very blessed in so many ways. I have to share this with you: my friend Don Conoscenti's song "The Other Side" has played every time I have come to my site today after writing this blog...my player is set on random and has 70 other songs to choose from. Angels everywhere! Sweet hugs to you.
    V

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  3. Always with you dear Victoria. I believe there are angles among us and have even written a short story about my experiences with angels throughout my many years. No one will ever convince me that they do not exist. I've felt their spirits, been lovingly cared for by them while hiding in the fetal position under a jutting rock to keep from being found and beaten more, been guided in the dark when everything was new and unfamiliar and I was lost. Angels are with me often. Definately, there are angels among the living, the dying and the lost. I feel an angel of peace and comfort over your shoulder right now. Dream on...Blessing on you and yours, Connie

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  4. Thank you dear Connie, I guess you are right, thank you for reminding me, an angel is with me tonight. Wishing you the best of all you need. V

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  5. Angels...pesky, awesome Angels. there is so much horrifying injustice in this physical world...very discouraging. If it wasn't for the Light beyond and the expression and manifestation of that grace brought to us by Angels and beloved souls like Victoria we'd be in some hopelessly deep shit.

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  6. Hello Don, I'm loving hearing your songs here on my player, like having a visit from you while I write, and now I actually have a visit from you...with it along came your unique beauty. Smooches and hugs.

    Thank you Cynthia, you know I send it right back at ya.

    It is all of you who pull me out of the "hopelessly deep shit"!

    -V

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  7. How sad...but she's with angels now. a mother's torment may never end, especially about her baby. i wish i could send some kind of comfort to both of you.

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  8. Just saying it was enough comfort for me Sarah, thank you. It snowed and is still snowing here today; it has been a perfect distraction for me, shoveling for my Yorkies to potty and keeping the tree limbs from snapping off; measuring the snow and take lots of photos...I was gifted with snow...and visits from friends here and on Facebook.
    Yes, my Mother will never be the same, so much pain and all.
    Thank you.

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  9. Hi Victoria,
    A powerful and poignant posting. I cannot do justice with any written word. All I can do is send you positive wishes.
    With respect, Gary

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  10. Thanks Gary, it's much appreciated.

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  11. Victoria -- I have lost a lot of people in my life, but never in such a way as the loss of your sister. May you see her laughing and dancing with her angels today.

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  12. Victoria I am so sorry to hear this. As someone just getting to know you, thank you for telling your story so boldly. Please know that I an sending you positive energy and will keep you and JuneBug in my prayers.

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  13. Thank you very much, that is so very kind of you...and thank you for reading and commenting; it means so much.

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  14. This is indeed a sad time for you, I'm so sorry to hear about. God bless you - and she is fine now!
    Susanne

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  15. Thank you Suzanne. Yes, I believe she is...

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