Thursday, October 29, 2009


I am in need of a cure and lately the sweat creating workouts aren't coming the way they used to, and tears...well, when my niece arrived, the crying stopped. It turned out that my crying disturbed her, so I stopped. Now, I try to cry, I need to cry, I have much emotion to purge, but the crying has stopped, despite my desire to sob a big sloppy one. I feel the urge often, I've lost so much in the past ten years and have much to cry about, but the urge is like the itch before the sneeze that then passes.

The opportunity came, via my husband's job, for us to travel to the Gulf Coast of Florida and I jumped at the chance. I have not been to the ocean's edge for 3 years and am in great need to feel and sync with the rhythm of the tide. In our planning we had much difficulty securing a place to stay, for whatever reason, everything was booked. Finally, after tweaking our dates, we have a plan! The plan, I'm certain was put in place especially for me, by powers of Grace.

This trip to the shore has come at a great time of need for me and my grief. I have understanding and realization now of the sequence of the events leading up to this trip, the necessity for it, and the Providence behind it. Let me explain, in February of 2009, I wrote the following down in my journal about a dream I had of my deceased sister. My sister, if you have been following along you know, was murdered by her boyfriend ten years ago this week. This is what is written in my journal, a premonition of sorts, or perhaps it was more of a subconscious request of mine made 8 months ago:

I dreamed what felt like more of a vision than a dream, that on the night my sister was killed by that man, I was there to help create a different future for both of us. I walked into her room, and without the need for words or one spoken sound, led her by the hand out of the apartment and away from him. We stood out in the street together looking into each others eyes with a knowing. The next time we were together was the present moment. I travelled to her home which set on a beautiful white sanded beach. When she answered the door, this time she took my hand and led me into her home where we sat together for hours just holding each other. The next day we walked hand in hand along the beach, walking where the ocean meets the sand, giggling and flirting with the waves. We laughed and smiled, we sat and talked, we were happy, and time and death had no place in our thoughts. We were together. She was alive, vibrant, and happy. Thoughts of this dream does bring tears to my eyes, happy ones. And I KNOW that she lives somewhere on a beautiful beach awaiting my visit.

I'm making that visit. I hope she joins me in spirit and blesses my broken heart and tormented soul with the same peace I feel when I recall that dream, that vision I had of her and her laughing light.

--Victoria Hart
Painting: Robert St. John


  1. Beautiful visit. I so love when they happen. I hope your sister visits often and in the wordless knowing between you, lets you know her peace.

  2. She's there with you all the way. Death can not stop that.
    Please come by to claim a little surprise:

  3. I hope this vision of yours comes true. It's so beautiful. I've been dreaming a lot of my brother lately, who commited suicide ten years ago. The dreams are very tender and heartwarming. I hope your trip will refresh you and help you to embrace your life in the present and the beautiful person that you are.

  4. Victoria -- You're coming to my section of this world. I live in North Florida a few hours away from the gulf.

    The gulf coast is absolutely beautiful. We go to a place called Cape San Blas and it's fantastic. It still has dunes, white sand and usually isn't very crowded. I love it:~)

    As one who feels that the beach is a soul place, I think it's a perfect place for to be in touch with your sister. May you have a wonderful time:~)